SuperManatee149
Rubric for grading essay GRADE THIS ESSAY AND WRITE WHAT…
Rubric for grading essay GRADE THIS ESSAY AND WRITE WHAT IMPROVEMENT NEED TO DO IN THIS ESSAY
CONTENT: %obtained/Possible %
Introduction (hook sentence, context and background information
for your topic, and a clear thesis statement connected to your topic): /20
Arguments (well-developed arguments supported by:
1) quotations from both articles 2) cultural experience, and 3) personal experience) /15
Conclusion (summarizes main argument and restates thesis statement): /10
TECHNICAL:
Organization (overall, the essay is 1) well structured, 2) paragraphs
are indented and include topic sentences, arguments, supporting evidence,
analysis, and a closing sentence): /15
Mechanics (there is a clear revision and editing work that has a minimized
the number of punctuation, spelling, grammar mistakes, and unclear sentences;
quotations are introduced with a signal phrase, follow by an analysis of how it
connects to the thesis, and using in-text citation): /15
Style (awareness of audience, voice, message, purpose, and impact; word choice
is precise and sentences flow and clearly deliver the intended message) /15
Transitions (the use of transition words is evident in moving from
one paragraph to another or from one idea to the next): /10
GRADE: TOTAL: /100
SAMPLE A
Social media has been growing a lot in the last years. It has been proven that more and more people are interest in joining. Even though it can be argued whether or not social media, specially Facebook can be a good think or not. Mostly social media its harmful for their users in a direct sense of bullying, even by editing yourself or making people feel lonely.
Hiding behind a screen it’s one of the easiest way for someone to harm others. I, personally have a Facebook account and sadly is not rare to see mean comments or memes. In an article called “Social media: Failure to Connect” the author Tom Meltzer says “reports of cyber-bullying, happy-slapping, even self-harm and suicide attempts motivated by social media sites have become increasingly common in the eight years since [social media] launched”. Even though social media is a way of communication is also proven the harm that can be done through it. “… generation that has grown up with these sites are only now being felt …NSPCC published a detailed breakdown of calls made to ChildLine in the last five years” (T. Meltzer). Sometimes a none mean comment on line can still be offensive to someone without you even realizing it. “Not only is there a greater capacity for misunderstanding in online communication, we can come to view it as a substitute for genuine interaction” (T. Meltzer). Words commonly have a loss of interpretation when it’s not said face-to-face.
Social media is also a way for people to fake themselves, and since Facebook doesn’t need prove of what is being posted this is something that it’s usually done. T. Meltzer also makes the point that “we’re editing ourselves rather than actually being ourselves… Rather than having a genuine encounter, your friends become your audience, and you are someone else’s audience.” People usually lose their selves trying to prove something that they’re not. I have a lot of people in Facebook that I know others no so much but I have known how people who post things that aren’t even true. This same people are only trying to show off. “It exist to know how much popular everyone else’s is.. exchanging dozens of short messages a day with a wide array of friends, rather than having one ‘quality’ conversation” (T. Meltzer). Fusing too much in how many likes other people have and having a weak communication. Another point made by Michael S. Rosenwald in the article “Can Facebook Help Overcome Shyness?”, the author refers to social media as “hiding behind screen names”. Not being their true selves. Sometime faking a personality just to make others like you may come from loneliness too.
Social media is highly use for those who feel lonely. “Recent studies have shown that shy people are spending more time on Facebook than more socially confident people are…” (M. Rosenwald). Even though it can be seem that Facebook might be helping with loneliness but M. Rosenwald also states, “‘I still feel lonely.’… ‘I don’t feel like I have 180 friends. It’s not like I have 180 friends that I can go hang out with”. Having friends online is not even close to as having personal people to can lean on to. “Facebook is not a good place for a lonely person” (T. Meltzer). Facebook is a place where you constantly get notification on your “friends” activities. Statistics has shown that “calls about loneliness had nearly tripled, from 1,853 five years ago to 5,525 in 2009” (T. Meltzer). It’s funny how the amount of Facebook joiners keeps rising and loneliness rises as well. “Better connected than any in history, yet strangely alone” (T. Meltzer). T. Meltzer also points out that “53% of 18-34-years-olds had felt depressed because of loneliness”. Social media has its cost.
Social media mostly have a harmful effect on its users. “Social media just makes up for the fact that you can’t be physically present all the time” (T. Meltzer). Facebook goes beyond just sharing a post. It has its deeper damaging consequences that are harmful to an individual.
SAMPLE B
Facebook and its Benefits
As a young kid, when I first entered the United States, I had trouble interacting with other students because I just was not sure of how to spark up a conversation in person, besides the fact that I knew little to no English at all. Back when I was in junior high, before I became aware of what Facebook was or what it was intended to do, I would turn to MySpace and Hi5 to try and interact with other students or with other people in hopes that I would eventually gain some confidence to approach someone in reality. Steaming up conversations behind a screen was as easy as it gets knowing that you will not have to look the person on the other end dead in the eyes, and sweat your life away. After Facebook became the new trend, I came on board with the same objectives in mind – to connect with other people and make friends. However, I came to realize that I still lacked the ability to start a conversation with other people in person, even though it seemed easy behind the screens. Facebook or social media as a whole play a role in society that could help build or strengthen relationships, and gives one the ability to be their true self.
Mark Zuckerberg, who is also known to be a shy person, built Facebook on the foundation that it would “encourage people to broadcast intimate details of their lives” (Rosenwald, p. 2), such as places they have been to, their likes and dislikes – which would be a great way to start a conversation, once you know these specifics about someone. In the article “Can Facebook Help Overcome Shyness?” by Michael S. Rosenwald, he wrote about this particular shy person, Josh Chiles, who “…often waits for someone” (p. 1) to initiate a conversation with him when he is around unfamiliar faces, but who is also “Mr. Personality” (p.
1) when on Facebook. “There is no doubt that Facebook has improved my life in building relationships with other people” (p. 1), Chiles said. He understood that “Facebook can be used more as a bridge” (p. 1) because “…his shyness often disappears” (p. 1) when he sees the person he connects with in person. Facebook may not be the perfect cure to combat the shyness one may have, but it can certainly help some people to find the courage that they probably did not have before, to say “hi” to a crush, if that may be the case. Furthermore, it became clear to me that if I had approached someone in person with ease, it was only because we interacted online initially.
Behind the screens, most people tend to be themselves at no risks to them. They can share events they wish to go to, or places they have been to because that makes them feel wanted or belonged. Whether or not this information is falsified, it “gives [them] a starting point” (Rosenwald, p.2). In the article “Social Networking: Failure to Connect” by Tom Meltzer, David Holmes, who is a psychologist at Manchester Metropolitan University, estimated that ” up to 40% of the information posted on social networking sites could be fabricated” (3). Although sharing any type of information can provoke stress for some, in the long run, this information could be used as a foundation for everyday conversation.
Others may argue that the use of social network sites are not as efficient as they may seem. Meltzer stated in his article that “the normality of digital communication has the odd effect of making us more distant from each other” (p. 2) because of the amount of time one would spend on social media. In some cases, it is easier on Facebook to stay in touch with close ones who are apart from you, however, it could also kill the craving of wanting to see them knowing that you can talk to them whenever.
On a general standpoint, I feel like social networking can be beneficial to whom who wishes to use it wisely. In various ways, Facebook for example, can help two people stay in
touch with one another and maintain a relationship. On the other hand, most importantly, it can encourage many to be themselves – in anyway possible.
