CorporalIce11846
1. Please fix the bolded parts to a better paragraph! ONLY PASSIVE…
1. Please fix the bolded parts to a better paragraph! ONLY PASSIVE VOICE. NO HEDGING PHRASES or TO BE VERBS. Look at writing criteria.
I am writing with great eagerness (Hedging phrase — See Writing Criteria for explanation. ) to tell you how eager I am (“to be” verbs, only passive voice please) to work as a nurse at your prestigious hospital. I firmly believe ((Hedging phrase — See Writing Criteria for explanation. ) that thanks to my training, expertise, and steadfast commitment to patient care, I am (“to be” verbs, only passive voice please) the ideal candidate for the nursing post. I am (“to be” verbs, only passive voice please) ecstatic to have the chance to contribute significantly to your passionate healthcare team. My background spans a wide variety of critical abilities, including patient care, prescription administration, and healthcare coordination, and I have a year of worthwhile experience in the healthcare industry.
I am thrilled (hedging phrase and to be verb) about the chance to work with you because of your dedication to providing top-notch healthcare services, encouraging wellness, and helping the community. Considering my credentials and commitment to patient-centered care, I am delighted (to be verb) to support your purpose and vision of delivering patient-centered care. As a part of your healthcare team, I am (to be verb) certain that my abilities in clinical excellence, patient advocacy, and healthcare coordination will allow me to deliver kind and professional treatment.
Writing Criteria :
Rhetorical Style Advice for Expressing Clear Ideas/Composing Clear Sentences
1. Identify and articulate an explicit agent of action (Who or what does the action?), the action (What happens?), and the recipient of the action (To whom or to what does the action happen or affect?). To do this: Designate the primary action (verb) of the sentence; designate the agent of action who is performing this action. Make the agent of action and action the independent clause of the sentence.
Avoid the “to be” verbs (i.e., I am, you are, he/she is, I was, I will be . . .) These passive tenses hide the agent of the agent and do not offer the reader an explicit action verb that they can easily imagine in their minds.
Replace “to be” constructions with active verbs
2. Eliminate hedging phrases (i.e., I believe, I am writing to tell you, I think).
3. Include specific details rather than generalized information.
4. Reduce the amount of nouns in a sentence. Do not add too many nouns to your sentence. An excess of nouns results in nominalization.
5. Identify the most significant idea of the sentence and move that information to the back of the sentence. Move all modifying information “left” in the sentence.
6. Combine sentences that repeat information or have interrelated ideas. Avoid the “laundry list” of ideas.
7. Discern the importance of your ideas and express them by coordinating and subordinating sentence structures accordingly.
8. Integrate transitional words or phrases (e.g., metacommunicative devices) that move your reader from one idea (or paragraph) to the next.
9. Avoid any non-referential “this” or “that” that does not specifically name to what it refers.
10. Choose phrases that your audience commonly knows rather than unfamiliar, specialized language. Simple language does not mean simplistic ideas.
