Is the revision major or minor? Did it improve the writing?…

ProfessorHedgehogPerson808   Is the revision major or minor? Did it improve the writing?…  Is the revision major or minor? Did it improve the writing? Share one piece of advice that can be helpful for future revision.Initial Response should include two versions of a full paragraph Before revisions:A few of the main points of this essay are the different reasons why people may not vaccinate their children. Dzubay states at least 3 reasons why people may not vaccinate their children, but she makes a point to state why people should sill vaccinate their children and why vaccines are important. Many people have forgotten why vaccines were invented, that they were invented to protect us from deadly diseases that surround us and that have surrounded us for hundreds of thousands of years I feel as though Dzubay’s essay makes a lot of sense. The controversy between vaccinating and not vaccinating is very high, but if only people would remember why vaccines were invented in the first place, it would not be such an issue.After revisions:            A few of the main points of this essay are the various reasons people may choose not to vaccinate their children. Dzubay states at least three reasons why people may not vaccinate their children, but she makes a point to state why people should still vaccinate their children and why vaccines are important. Many people have forgotten why vaccines were invented. The fact that vaccines were invented to protect those who get vaccinated against deadly diseases that surround everyone and that have surrounded everyone for hundreds of thousands of years! Due to those circumstances Dzubay’s essay makes a lot of sense. The controversy between vaccinating and not vaccinating is very high, but only if people would remember why vaccines invented in the first place, there would be no issue.            I revised a few key sentences in the paragraph because after much thought and feedback from professor Lowry, I decided to take his advice and change my essay. It improved my paragraph by making it more of a third person point of view and taking out “a lot” and using a different phrase helped the paragraph make more sense. Taking Professor Lowry’s advice worked well. I learned that if you think about your wording a little bit, you can make your paragraph make a little more sense. I drew off of the vaccines portions of the essay and why vaccines are important.Arts & HumanitiesEnglish