Is the revision major or minor? Did it improve the writing? Share…

ProfessorRock8070 Is the revision major or minor? Did it improve the writing? Share…Is the revision major or minor? Did it improve the writing? Share one piece of advice that can be helpful for future revision. ESSAY PARAGRAPH:  During her research to help support her studies she not only states the obvious that are in plain sight. Gill presents what she has encountered which is like the issue she is expressing. She not only studies the feedback, but she compares it between views of the Disney media. She thinks that the evidence that is presented is enough to make this argument. Her main source of evidence is soley based on the reviews that are received. This tells us that she is confident in what she is stating.REVISED PARAGRAPH: During Gill research to help validate her argument not only does she state the obvious, she presents things she has also witnessed, She closely evaluates the feedback by comparing it between multiple reviews. Gill believes the evidence she presents is strong enough to support her argument. The main source of Gill evidence is based on the reviews that were received. This information shows how confident she is in her receny studies.   For my week four discussionn post I chose to revise paragraph three. I revised this paragraph to bring a different approach to introducing the author evidence. This gives my audience a better understanding on Gill argument. Both views were a great fit in explaining the evidence, I will say the revised version gave it a better and clear understanding. I also chose this paragraph to help viewers understand my take on this article. When it comes to writing and revising I learned to go with what made more sense in supporting the paragraph. The main point I took into consideration while revising my paragraph is staying on topic. Meaning making sure the revised paragraph is stronger, more professional and also thought completely through. I considered all the steps to writing while deciding the topic and also the paragraph during these phases.   Arts & HumanitiesEnglish