AdmiralWorldCoyote17 Liking and Loving: Interpersonal Attraction Saundra K. Ciccarelli… Liking and Loving:
Interpersonal Attraction
Saundra K. Ciccarelli and J. Noland White
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Prejudice prefly much explains why people don’t like each other. What does psychology say about why people like someone else? There are sore “rules for those whorn people like and find attractive. Liking or having the desire for a rela fionship with someone else is called inferpersonal attraction, and there’s a great deal of research on the subject. (Who wouldn’t want fo know the rules?)
The Rules of Attraction
WHAT FACTORS GOVERN ATTRACTION AND LOVE, AND WHAT ARE SOME DIFFERENT KINDS OF LOVE?
2 Several factors are involved in the altraction of one person to another, in. cluding both superficial physical characteristics, such as physical beauty and proximity, as well as elements of personality
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PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS
When people think about what altracts them fo other people, one of the topics that usually arises is the physical affractiveness of the other person. Some research suggests that physical beaufy is one of the main factors that infuence people’s choices for selecting people they want to know better, although other factors may become more important in the laterstages of relationships.
PROXIMITY CLOSE TO YOU
4 The closer together people are physically, such as working in the same office bullding or living in the same dorm, the more likely they are to form a relaffonship.
Proximily refers to being physically near someone else. People choose friends and lovers from the pool of people avallable to them, and avalablty depends heavin _ ori proximity.
5 – One theory about why proximity Is so important involves the Idea of repeated exposure to new stimuli. The more people axperience something, whether it is a song, a ploture, or a person. the more they tend to like If. The phrase “it grew on me* refers to this reaction. When people are in physical proximity to each other. repeated exposure may increase their attraction to each other.
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BIRDS OF A FEATHER- SIMILARITY
Proximity does not guarantee attraction, just as physical attractiveness does not guarantee a long-term relationship. People tend to like being around others who are similar to them in some way. The more people find they have in common with others. such as altitudes, beliefs, and interests–the more they tend to be attracted to those others. Similarity as a factor in relationshlps makes sense when seen lin terms of validation of a person’s beliefs and attitudes. When other people hold the same attitudes and beliefs and do the same kinds of actions, it makes a person’s own concepts seem more correct or volid.
WHEN OPPOSITES ATTRACT
Isn’t there a saying that “opposites attract? Arent people sometimes at-fracted to people who are different instead of similar?
7 There is often a grain of truth in many old sayings, and “opposites attract is no exception. Some people find that forming a relationship with another person who has complementary qualities (characteristics in the one person that fill a need in the other) can be very rewarding. Reseorch does not support this vlew of attrac-fion, however. It is similarity, not complementarily, that draws people togetner and helps them stay together.
RECIPROCITY OF LIKING
8 Finally. people have a very strong tendency to like people who like them, a sir-ple but powerful concept referred to as reciprocity of liking. in one experiment, researchers paired college students with other students, Nether student in any of the pairs knew the other member. One member of each pair was randomly chosen to receive some information from the experimenters about how the otherstudent in the pair felt abouf the first member. In some cases, target students were led to balleve that the other students liked them and, in other cases. that the targets disliked them.
9.When the pairs of students were allowed to meet and talk with each other again. they were friendlier, disclosed more information about themselves, agreed with the other person more, and behaved in a warmer manner if they had been told that the other student liked them. The other students came fo Ike these students befter as well, so liking produced more liking.
10-The only time that liking someone does not seem to make that person like the other in return is if a person suffers from feelings of low self-worth. in that case, finding out that someone likes you when you don’t even like yourself makes you question his or her mofives. This mistrust can cause you to act unfriendly to that per-son. which makes the person more likely to become unfriendly to you in a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.
Love Is a Triangle–Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
11-Dictionary definitions of love refer to a strong affection for another person due to kinship, personal ties, sexual altraction. admiration, or common interests.
But those aren’t all the some kind of relafionships. /love my farily and I love my friends, but in different ways.
12- Psychologists generally agree that tere are different kings of love. One psychologist, Robert Stemberg, outlined a treory of what he determined were the three main components of love and the different types of love that combinations of these three corn-ponents can produce.
THE THREE COMPONENTS OF LOVE
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According to Sternberg, love consists of three basic components: Intimacy, passion, and commitment
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Intimacy, in Sternberg’s view, refers to the feelings of closeness that one has for another person or the sense of having close emotlonal ties to another. Intimacy in this sense is not physical but psychological. Friends have an infimate relationship because they disclose things to each other that most people might not know. they feel strong emotional ties to each other, and they enjoy the presence of the other person.
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Passion is the physical aspect of love. Passion refers to the emotional and sexual arousal a person feels toward the other person. Passion is not simply sex; holding hands, loving looks and hugs can all be forms of passion.
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Commitment involves the decisions one makes about a relationship. A short-term decision might be, “I think I’m in love.” An example of a more long-term dedi-sion is, “I want to be with this person for the rest of my life.”
THE LOVE TRIANGLES
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A love relationship between two people con involve one, two, or all three of these components in various combinations. The combinations can produce seven different forms of love, as seen in Figure A.
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Two of the more familiar and more heavily researched forms of love from Sternberg’s theory are romantic love and companionafe love. When infiracy and passion are combined. the result is the more familar romantic love, which is some times called pasloncife lave by other researchers. Romantic love is often the basis for a more lasting relationship. In many Western cultures, the Ideal relationship begins with liking. then becomes romantic love as possion is added to the mix, and finally becomes a more enduring form of love as a commitment is made.
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When intimacy and commitment are the main components of a relation-ship, it is called companionate love. In companionate love, people who like each other feel emotionally close to each other and understand one another’s mo-fives have made a commitment to live together, usually in a marriage relation-ship. Companlonate love is often the binding fie that holas a marriage fogether through the years of parenting, paying bils, and lessening physical possion. In many non Western culfures, companionate love is seen as more sensible. Chalces for a mate on the bass of compatibility are offen made by parents or matchmakers rather than the couple themselves.
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Finally, when all three components of love are present, the couple has achioved consummate love the ideal form of love that many people see as the ultimate goal, This is also the kind of love that may evolve into componionate love when the passion lessens during the middle years of a ralationship’s commitment.
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