CoachViperMaster1028
Instructions Read the following examples of expansion by examples…
Instructions
Read the following examples of expansion by examples and comments
Then write your own body paragraph with expansion by an imagined example.
Will be graded on 3 things:
1) If you have details specific enough or if you just keep repeating the same things with different words;
2) If the details are related to or off the topic;
3) If the details sound real and interesting.
QUESTION 1
Practice using imagined examples:
Read the following examples of expansion by examples and then write your own expansion by imagined example.
1. Stress causes students to lose sleep and lack of sleep will lead us to lose our concentration. When we are studying in college, we have a lot of stress because we will have to take exams and we will fail because we cannot concentrate and will not do well. For example, my friend Jose is going to BMCC. He is a nursing student and has a lot of stress. He sleeps very little because there are a lot of tests in his class and he often stays up to prepare for his tests. He couldn’t focus in his class and when he took his test, he failed and now he has to take the class again.
Comments: This is NOT very good.
Why? (Hope you already know!)
The example is too general and it’s not too hard to make up a fake one like this. Now let’s look at another one:
2. The passage is right to state that stress is the main reason why students don’t sleep well. These days, many students have to work, often full-time, to support their family and pay for their tuition when they are studying in college to get a degree to improve their future. They often have to sacrifice their sleep. Imagine (you can also use “suppose …”) someone who has to work from 9-5 Monday through Friday and has to take evening classes in order to get into the nursing major in college. Many college majors such as nursing are very challenging. You need to keep a high GPA and if you don’t do well, you can’t even get into the major. I can imagine the above individual has to spend many hours till late at night, even through the whole night, plus all his free time on weekends, studying, finishing the homework on time, and preparing for tests, especially the final exams. He can’t quit his stressful job because he needs the income for himself and his family. Even on the nights when he doesn’t have any homework, all this pressure and worries about his school, work, and his future may keep him awake. What if he doesn’t get a high enough GPA? And worse, what if he fails too many classes and can’t get into nursing at all? What would his parents, his family, or his friends think of him? All this time, energy, and money will be completely wasted. Many students are under such pressure these days without even realizing it and this is a serious problem that needs health professionals’ attention.
Comments: This is much better.
Why?
The student doesn’t have an example in real life, but he doesn’t pretend to have one. After a brief comment, he uses an “imagined” example to connect to the point that students’ stress is the main reason they don’t sleep well. The great thing about it is you are free to use all your imagination for details/specifics for expansion. You can see there are good details, true to some of the students’ situations today, that support the topic sentence.
Now it’s your turn.
Please to first write down the following topic sentence (or paraphrase it):
Stress is the main reason why students don’t sleep well (Practice creating your own imagined example – It’s better to first make a comment on the topic sentence and then start your imagined example. Make sure you give details/specifics that are related to the topic sentence.)
