AdmiralFieldPanther25
can u please check my essay because i always got low score and i…
can u please check my essay because i always got low score and i didn’t know why?
these are my essay:
The Effects of Media and Privacy on Teenagers
Most teenagers want their privacy which can led them to be more emotionally unstable. Experts agree that 60% of teenagers say that they require some privacy. How the social media affects them can be one of the most dangerous things that could happen. The internet can be easily published and viewed by people all over the world. The issue of using social media has become a matter of a large proportion of users as seen in cases of Facebook and Instagram. However, not all of teenagers could open to their parents about their social life and media, which generate them to become an emotional person. Privacy is something that is essential for everyone including teenagers.
Presently, parents lose their control in view of the fact the majority of social media offer teenagers to have their own freedom and to express their feeling in any kind of situation. Certain teenagers not only expose their freedom in social media however they also use it for building up some connection and communication with their social life. Experts agree that most of teenagers say that they require some privacy. Despite this, many parents disallow their teenagers to have some privacy. Regardless of the fact, raising an honest, open, and independent teen needs a parent that respects their child’s private life, one of the expert Dr.Lamson said “If you and your teen are battling over their need for privacy, there are probably trust issues at the root” also he said that “Privacy and trust link back to attachment,”. Providing teens some space and privacy with their own life can make them feel more trusted. Parents need to reassure their teenagers that they believe in them to make some good choices in life.
The reason why teenagers like to have some privacy in their social media activity because sometimes the parents did not trust them, Angela Lamson, PhD, LMFT, a family therapist in Greenville, North Carolina, and human development and family science professor at East Carolina University, says that “building trust starts when your child is a baby and you begin building a strong parent-child bond that also honors the child as an individual”
Meanwhile, parents also need to be extra careful when they give their teenagers their own privacy,Dr. Lamson said “Be ready to step in if they show you that they need more supervision or scaffolding to live up to your behavioral expectations”, means even if parents want to offer teenagers with their own privacy, as parents they also need to do supervision to guide them with some of their decision, most importantly parents and teenagers need to communicate each day about their responsibility. Although teenagers need parents supervision, In fact too much supervised time and space could result problems to make the teenagers feel not being trusted, demanding too many question and details can send the message that parents don’t trust them.
In conclusion, the target is to build up the trustworthy around the environment to aim for a balance from both sides of parents and teenagers. Teenagers at the age of sixteen to eighteen need more privacy than they receive because at those ages, they are mature enough to make their own decisions on things. Parents can disagree and believe if the teenager is not legal yet, then they should have limited privacy rights of their teenagers. The key is for the parents to trust their teenagers with their ongoing social life and for the teenagers to be responsible for their action.
and this is the checklist that need to be done.
Before you submit the final draft and while engaged in fruitful revision, take a look at this checklist:
1. Is your thesis statement based on a focused and clear claim/argument, position you, the writer, will be supporting throughout the paper?
2. Does your introduction offer some overview of the topic and background information? Are you engaging the reader?
3. Does each one of your body paragraphs start with a topic sentence which directly relates to the thesis, is an independent and original statement and tells the readers what that paragraph will be about?
4. Are you including in-text citations in all your body paragraphs? Are all in-text citations formatted in MLA style? Are you applying the Sandwich model to all of them ? (introducing the idea, inserting the quoted, summarized or paraphrase material, and then explaining, analyzing, commenting on it?)
5. Are you writing about an opposing view/counterargument? Is it being developed in one independent paragraph? Did you find evidential support for it? if not, are you using evidence from a source to continue supporting your own claim in the paragraph the counterargument appears?
6. Are you using formal and academic tone for your paper? Are you making sure not to use ‘I, we, you’ ? Review the Useful/helpful language for academic papers document for ideas.
7. Does you paper show coherence? Does everything you write make sense? Does your paper show unity? Is everything you write closely related to the thesis statement and helps you develop/support it?
8. Does your conclusion restate your thesis, provide an overview of the main supporting ideas you developed, offer some food for thought, call to action?
9. Are you including a Works Cited page in MLA style?
10. Have you carefully proofread the paper, are you sure proper punctuation is used? Are you using proper grammar?
