HighnessSheep3796
Adding Effective Details40 pts. First, read the following…
Adding Effective Details40 pts.
First, read the following paragraph. Then read ALL the directions/information that follows before you move on to complete the writing assignment. If you have any questions, make sure you contact me.
When I entered the place, the thing was occurring. I was feeling a little uncomfortable because of the circumstances, when I saw a person approaching me. This person seemed to be in anagitated condition. The person’s face looked odd and moved in a weird way. The person started saying things in a strange kind of voice. The person stood in an unusual way. Then some otherindividuals approached, including a man, who seemed to think he was important. As he spoke to me, I also became agitated and heard different sounds fromvarious people. Somebody with a repulsive facerebuked me. One individual asked if I was unaware that I was an improper person to be in these surroundings. He had a threatening attitude. I replied that I was unaware of the circumstances, but that I would withdraw. As I tookmy departure, they invented various insults about me.
As you read the paragraph, you will see that the paragraph is general and rather uninteresting. For this writing assignment, you are to improve this paragraph by replacing the general, less precise words that have been underlined with more interesting, specific words, similar to the sentence exercises you have already done. You should also eliminate any redundant, repetitive, or ineffective words. You will notice that the paragraph is so general that the events “described” may be about just any event, so you can have some fun here if you want. As you make the substitutions, you should be creating a more specific location with a more specific description of events and people. Your choice of details will determine the event and its outcome, but make sure you follow the general outline, simply changing/adding details in all of the sentences. You can choose to use your imagination, or you can stick to realism. Your final version should be an interesting, effective, description that uses a variety of specific, concrete nouns and adjectives and balances factual and sensory elements. Your verbs should be more descriptive and effective. The final piece of writing should be interesting, effective, and descriptive.
The sentences as they currently appear are grammatically correct. The punctuation is also correct. However, as you make sentence-level changes, you may also need to make changes in the grammar and punctuation.
(Using the first sentence of the paragraph, I have included three sample sentences that illustrate what you need to do.
EXAMPLES:
When I entered the place, the thing was occurring.
Example One:
On a splendid June afternoon, Janice tiptoed into the imposing cathedral as an elaborate wedding was about to begin.
Example Two:
At midnight, Felix stumbled into the dark alley filled with rotting garbage and interrupted a mugging.
Example Three:
When I crawled under the porch into the dark, spider-infested mustiness, I discovered a bizarre group of miniature aliens holding some sort of meeting.
Each of these examples could then be developed using the rest of the paragraph and adding appropriate details to support the topic sentence. Your choice of details will be determined by the details you focus on in the topic sentence, so make sure you plan your paragraph before you begin writing. Know where your paragraph is headed. You need to follow the original layout of the paragraph. You just need to improve the paragraph, making it more interesting by adding concrete, specific details and sensory elements. You will still have just ONE PARAGRAPH. Submit your new paragraph.
