MasterHippopotamus3676
2 . Revision – Exercise 2 You have a paper due on Friday. Your…
2 . Revision – Exercise 2
You have a paper due on Friday. Your paper topic is on your childhood memories. Before you turn in your final draft, you ask your friend to help you revise some of the paragraphs in your paper. Read your friend’s suggestions and then revise your sentences.
Directions: Revise for verb tense consistency in sentence 3.
(1) I’ve been told I have quite an imagination, and I’ve often wondered how I developed it. (2) Looking at old photographs this afternoon took me back to my childhood and provided some clues. (3) When I was five years old, my parents give me a bouncy horse.
1- Which of the following is the best revision based on your friend’s suggestion?
a- When I was five years old, my parents will give me a bouncy horse.
b- When I am five years old, my parents give me a bouncy horse.
c- When I was five years old, my parents gave me a bouncy horse.
Directions: Revise for consistency of person in sentence 6.
(4) They also purchased accessories for me such as a straw cowboy hat with a red ribbon around it and some very small, used cowboy boots. (5) While riding that horse, I would imagine I was a real cowgirl riding the plains, roping cattle, and escaping masked bank robbers. (6) Even when I slept, you imagined my life as a cowgirl.
2-Which of the following is the best revision based on your friend’s suggestion?
a- Even when you slept, I imagined my life as a cowgirl.
b- Even when you slept, you imagined my life as a cowgirl.
c- Even when I slept, I imagined my life as a cowgirl.
Directions: Revise for parallelism in sentence 11.
(7) I continued to develop my imagination in the backyard of my childhood home. (8) Many of these experiences revolved around our creek and pond. (9) I would spend hours stooped over its banks with my small green fishing net sweeping back and forth trying to catch water skippers and small minnows. (10) I would imagine that I was a famous marine biologist discovering a new species of frog, fish, or water bug. (11) Of course, to my mother’s horror, I would put all of my new discoveries in a jar and race into the house to show her. (12) She was an incredibly caring, full of devotion, and patiently good mom.
3- Which of the following is the best revision based on your friend’s suggestion?
a-She was an incredibly caring, devoted, and patiently good mom.
b- She was full of caring, full of devotion, and a patiently good mom.
c- She was an incredibly caring, devoted, and patient mom.
