danieladjei61
1. Read the script below with an exchange between a couple at…
1. Read the script below with an exchange between a couple at a party. The problem Carl has is that his girlfriend has been clingy and he is feeling a need to be with male friends. The problem Sara has is that she feels Carl has been ignoring her and has abandoned her at this party. In bold you will see the type of disconfirming message associated with what was said.
SCRIPT
Fred: Where’s your girlfriend?
Carl: She’s over there pouting about something. I hope she stays there… she’s getting on my nerves.
Fred: No such luck. Here she comes.
(Sara walks over, wanting to get in on the conversation. Carl keeps his gaze fixed on Fred hoping Sara will leave.)
Sara: (To Fred) Hi, I’m Sara. (To Carl) Thanks for introducing me, babe.
Carl: (sarcastically) No Problem.
Fred: S’up?
(Awkward silence while Carl waits for Sara to get a clue and leave.)
Carl: Could you go get me a drink, babe? STRATEGY
Sara: Why? Are you trying to get rid of me?
Carl: What is your problem?
Sara: You. You’ve been ignoring me all night. EVALUATION
Carl: (mockingly) “Thanks for introducing me.” What was that about?
Sara: Well you weren’t going to introduce me
Carl: Yes I was
Sara: No you weren’t – you never introduce me to your friends CERTAINTY
Carl: Whatever NEUTRALITY
Sara: See you don’t even care that it bothers me
Carl: (withdrawing) OK, this conversation is over CONTROL
Sara: No this conversation is not over
Carl: Look, I don’t want to talk about it now
Sara: You are such a child. When you want to act like a grown up, I’m ready to talk. SUPERIORITY
2. Re-write the script that will maintain Sara and Carl’s relationship. Change all of the disconfirming messages to confirming messages. Like the original, put the term in bold.
Change:
Evaluation to Description
Certainty to Provisionalism
Strategy to Spontaneity
Control to Problem Orientation
Neutrality to Empathy
Superiority to Equality.
Make additional changes as needed to make the script make sense as the message changes.
Tip: Avoid the temptation of just making them “nicer.” Avoid the temptation of thinking the issue is only one-sided. Really think in terms of addressing issues that have previously been avoided.
